Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
