My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You left your phone here
Wait...
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