I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
