I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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