She's JV to your varsity
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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