It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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