Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
