I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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