You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
