You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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