you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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