I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
