Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
