on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
