i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
