I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
