just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
