Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
