Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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