HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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