Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
