This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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