my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
