OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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