You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
