Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
