you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
