i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
