How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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