I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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