i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think a kid would responsible me up
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
