did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
