I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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