You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
