I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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