it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's even glitter on my cock...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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