Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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