I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
