Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
