Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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