I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Four minutes until I can fart!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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