I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
