she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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