before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
