I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
