My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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