You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
