I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
