I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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