Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
