420 ftw
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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