he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
