i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
