i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
