Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
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I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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