he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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