Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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