haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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