He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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