Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
