there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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