im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize