kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
