she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
