Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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