Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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