I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
