I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
