we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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