You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
