i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
